Hopes and expectations

I remember her coming to me smiling gleefully and showing off that new piece of art that she had acquired God knows where, because when you asked her about her sources of things she would start to elaborate on tales and stories that made no sense at all, but that, nonetheless, were immensely funny. That particular piece of art was a little painting of some sea sunset. I did not think it was particularly remarkable, but she seemed so pleased with it that I did not dare to spoil it with my opinions. After she put it on the cabinet of my room, she proposed to go for a walk, and I agreed even if I didn´t really fancy to go for a walk, only because she had proposed it. She did that sometimes, all the time actually, she proposed lots of plans and I would always agree, simply because I would do virtually anything she said.

We went to the old main street where there were lots of shops and little places full of curious things and she would go crazy looking at all the shop windows. I just looked at her and what a joyful way to spend the morning!

At some point she said she was hungry, so we went for a sandwich. We were sitting in a little terrace and she started to talk about all her plans for the coming week.

– Wait – I said – I thought you were on holiday and that you were going to stay for yet another week.

She looked at me as if it was the first time that I had listened to her. Maybe it was.

– This was my holiday week – she said rather slowly, stressing on every word. – I have to go back to Dundee on Monday.

As she said these words, my oblivious happiness was fading hopelessly.

– And when will I see you again?

Something on her eyes showed that this was the worst question I could have ever asked. Was it so terrible to ask that, though? She said nothing at first, and eventually she shrugged her shoulders in a childish way.

– Soon.

But I wasn´t sure her notion of time was the same as mine, and what hurt me more was that neither it seemed to be her notion of distance. I just wanted to be with her, despite of this sounding a bit possessive. And she… Quite obviously she enjoyed my company, thus she wouldn´t be with me otherwise, that was for sure, as I knew pretty well how honest about these things she was. Still, she didn´t seem to feel this need of proximity I felt. And this killed me.

– Well, let´s enjoy now, then – I said trying to sound cool.

– I thought we were already doing so – she answered smiling, and soon enough she gave me a cheeky look.

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