I am not sure why I am writing this letter. I suppose the words just came out on their own and I didn’t feel like stopping my fingers. My mind has taken the habit of wandering on its own will these days and I don’t feel strong enough to get it back on course. Maybe it’s this unfortunate weather and the short days, that undermine my energy and willpower.
Today I was walking to work and I thought of you, as I do every time that I look at the sky and it happens to be a little bit more beautiful than usual. You know I love looking at the sky, and since I learnt that you do too, I think of you whenever I find myself doing it.
Do you remember when we used to do that together? I will always remember the first time we got drunk and sat outside to gaze the stars. We talked about forbidden things, about desires and taboos and from that night, that moment, I knew we would be friends forever, regardless of geography and life changes.
Perhaps our friendship is magical because we met in a magic place, in a magic time of our lives. We were young, bold and most of all, we were free. We could do whatever we wanted, and in fact we tended to do so, mostly.
Somebody asked me once which was the happiest moment of my life. I never told them, I thought it was a very private question. However today I feel like sharing, so I will tell you.
I had just arrived in this country – we didn’t know each other yet – and I had been staying for some days at a colleague’s place. She did me a special favour because she was an experienced traveller herself, so she felt like helping until I found a place of my own. When I finally did so – a small and very basic flat – I gathered my few belongings from my colleague’s and set off to work that morning knowing that I wouldn’t come back there, but instead I would go to my new place.
I still think about that sunny afternoon of late summer, when I was driving away into the motorway on my way to my new home: my own space, where I could do whatever I wanted without needing to be nice or civil to anyone, or tiptoeing around, not wanting to disturb people or having to explain why this or that. I have changed houses many times. I have been through flat shares and relationships. I have travelled a bit and lived quite a few happy moments in my life, with friends and family. But I will always think of that moment as my favourite memory and the happiest moment of my life: the afternoon when I was consciously driving towards my freedom.
Anyway, it’s getting late and I think I should get going, do something productive and all that. You know me, you know how I hate to waste my time!
Before I go I wanted to let you know that I have learnt not to miss you so much, but I still wish you were here, I still wish we could hang around, do all sorts of shenanigans – a wee bit of fun, a wee bit of crazy, a wee bit of adventurous, a wee bit of conventional. In fact, you used to love what the guy from Guardians of the Galaxy said of “something good? something bad? a bit of both!” Remember?
Anyhow, I will keep looking out to the skies, those magical skies, and think of you. I am sure you do the same now and then. Until we see each other again…
Lots of love,