So this little article is a way of explaining why I have not written so much (or rather anything) lately. I have been busy living. I used to say: life gets on the way. But now I think of it: on the way of what? Of living? No! I was just busy living! I should have accepted it earlier and make the most of it.
I am going to be honest and admit that I had given up on many things.
That was my life for a while: giving up… on writing, on finding a job which made me excited to get out of bed, on travelling the world, on challenging myself and pushing myself out of my comfort-zone, on finding love and true friendship, on believing on others and myself…
I still haven’t found what I am looking for (U2 can quote me on that), but I feel like I can somehow stop feeling lost, aimless and… well, sad.
Life is a funny thing, like sometimes it laughs at you, but sometimes it makes you laugh. I suppose it all depends on the way you look at things and at life.
I don’t know, maybe I was looking for too long at my own bellybutton and not seeing anything remarkable there, apart from the occasional fluff.
I had lost faith. Not that faith is essential for life, at least not the kind of faith one thinks of immediately. But rather, faith in oneself and one’s possibilities.
I am not saying I am super sure of myself these days and that I am certain I can accomplish anything, including my plans of living great adventures and such.
No, those days are past, even though they were never here, which means they will never be.
No, what I am saying is that there is more to life than just making plans and try to follow them through: there is living.
Carpe diem, snatch the day, live the moment, they say, because the moment is the only thing we have.
I may never become great at anything, I may never establish myself as a disciplined and reliable (and certainly not an acclaimed) author, yet I am happy to say that I am writing now and doing just fine, which is – if I may say so – quite remarkable.
I am living the moment: neither looking ahead nor looking behind at what I lost or what could have been.
Yes, I am just here.